Trump Sonnets, Volume 9

The House of Trump

Donald Trump................................................. 2

Melania Trump............................................... 9

Donald Trump Jr............................................. 16

Kimberly Guilfoyle......................................... 23

Eric Trump...................................................... 30

Lara Trump..................................................... 37

Jared Kushner.................................................. 44

Ivanka Trump................................................... 51

Tiffany Trump ….............................................. 58

Donald Trump................................................... 65

Donald Trump

Everybody knows I'm still president

and won the election in a landslide.

So many lousy Republicans have no pride—

Liz Cheney is a big traitor not meant

for office. If she has an accident,

it won't be my fault. She's the worst. She's lied

and lied. It's sad—she's never even tried

to help. She's like Mitch, full of sad comments

when she knows nothing, another RINO

we've got to get rid of if we want to

resume our rightful place and overthrow

the deceitful Biden family crew—

corruption like no one has ever seen.

His first lady thinks she's a glamour queen

when she's not half of what Melania

brings to the table. Don't get me started—

I heard the unfit vice president fart

on live TV in Louisiana.

That's a nasty woman! America

is in the toilet! I've been awarded

so many trophies, most in recorded

history. How they love me in Russia,

Saudi Arabia, Turkey, Israel.

I've done more for peace than anybody

anywhere. Everybody knows that. We'll

soon win the Arizona recount. Key

is getting all the votes from that first state.

The courts have been a disgrace. The long wait

has been totally inexcusable,

a sheer outrage. Old Sleepy Joe Biden

is a corpse. Look at him! There's no fight in

the guy. He's so pale. It's impossible

not to think of death. What's incredible

is they're getting away with it, hiding

secrets that would shock you. And they're siding

with the Chinese and Muslims. Bad people

all around. Evil like you can't believe.

Rudy Giuliani's one of the great

patriots of our time. He should receive

gold medals and huge thanks. Instead, it's hate

that's, frankly, a major embarrassment.

Rudy has made mistakes—like when he went

to Ukraine on his own. But his loyalty

is to our country we love. A person

like Rudy deserves respect. I'm certain

after Arizona's recount we'll see

correct numbers in Georgia. Finally

the truth will emerge. Next, there's Michigan,

Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, Wisconsin.

The law is on our side. It's not pretty

sometimes, but it's a question of courage

and strength to investigate what we must.

This is critical since we're on the edge

of important things here. Who do you trust?

Someone so frail and forgetful he wants

to tax us all and force the government

into every last corner of our lives?

Or a return to the beautiful Trump

years, where there was peace, and a great run-up

to prosperity? We were so alive

during the Trump years. What wouldn't we give

to have much more of that? We've got to dump

Old Sleepy Joe, the corpse, before he slumps

over, and hands us the woman who'll drive

us over a cliff. She's like Obama,

you know what I mean, mistress of dark arts.

Just look at her!All I see is drama.

She's light on crime. Her state's fallen apart—

why aren't more people talking about that?

Socialist California Democrats

completely love her since she's one of them.

Now she and her kind have taken D.C.

and are making big trouble for Rudy

Giuliani. So unfair, his problems

with the unlawful raid! What's wrong with them,

Democrats who hate everything we see

as great. I'll spend the summer in Jersey

in meetings. No later than mid autumn

I'll return to Washington to take back

the Oval Office. There's an excitement

in the air. I love it! Those are the facts—

a return to how our great government

is supposed to run. Thanks to my vaccine

funding, I saved millions of lives, which means

so much to me. What did Old Sleepy Joe

do but take credit for all my hard work.

His whole criminal enterprise are jerks,

and there they are, making themselves seem so

at home in the Trump White House. I don't know

who's worse, Joe or his old boss. We've got work

to do to get the country back. Evil lurks

behind the scenes. Obama! Just follow

the trail. Look! There's never been anything

like what we've gone through. Twitter and Facebook

are under his control. I'll be suing

both companies. Same for the lousy crooks

at Amazon. Then there's Michael Cohen,

Bill Gates, and George Soros, who thinks he owns

the universe. Michael Cohen's rotten

to the core. Gates, I hear, is getting divorced,

and the tremendous settlement should force

him down a few spots in the world's top ten

money list (by the way, I'd forgotten

Gates's golf swing, shanks all over the course,

barely breaks a hundred, one of the worst

duffers I've ever seen, more proof fortunes

can't buy talent like mine). I'm so happy

to be richer than Gates, and still score well

enough to beat the pros. Gates is crappy

off the tee, has an iron game from hell,

and is also a chump around the greens.

My Jersey club, Trump National, is scene

of major PGA championships.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Watch how the Chinese virus goes away

this summer, as I predicted. Smart tips

on money are my specialty. Take trips

to any Trump hotel. Everybody says

they're the world's best value—you only pay

hundreds. My hotel on the Vegas Strip

ought to charge double, or triple, or more,

like we do for special events. I love

Vegas. Great people who gamble on sports

and like to eat. I've thought how I could move

there some day, but I like my East Coast clubs.

Besides, when the recount's done and we drub

Old Sleepy Joe and take back Washington,

I'll be nearby ready to go. Desert

courses have much different grasses and dirt

that don't suit my swing. There's a difficult sun

too, and wind,which makes for tough conditions.

I've played rounds in Vegas where I've changed shirts

two or three times. A furnace! The sun hurts

if you don't take care and pay attention.

One more mistake this year has been Mike Pence,

who could have held the line, done the right thing,

and been a patriot. It was nonsense,

letting the Democrats win. His thinking

still burns me up. He hasn't been a friend,

and to think I trusted, and depended

on him and the two Georgia officials

who failed at their jobs. Everybody knows

I'm still the president. Yet they allowed

a coup, which means so many wrong people

are now in charge of things. Such illegal

corruption! Next, the mobsters want to go

tail my family! They'll try, but can't show

any Trump broke a single law. That's all

been proven. So now they're coming after

my lawyers and accountants. Desperate,

desperate people! My pretty daughter,

Ivanka, called last weekend and said it

best. Daddy, she told me, they're all jealous

of your great money, fame, and handsomeness—
 

they wish they were you. I'll see that my girl

will one day be our first female president.

On my return, I'll name Vice President

Ivanka Trump. She's my choice in the world

of politics. I've fired Pence, the traitor!

My dear Ivanka's true to government's

principles. She has excellent judgment,

which she's exercised in special mergers

and treaties. With years of experience

combining travel with business, nothing

is beyond her. She has great common sense,

like me, and can accomplish anything,

also like me. She's a perfect genius

so will quickly pick up the issues, just

like me. My little girl has so much style,

she'll change America for the better,

and the whole world too. We'll live forever,

my name tops in the history books while

hers beneath some pages later. Our smiles

show everybody who we really are.

No one's more photogenic! The pictures

are great, but don't do justice. I look miles

younger in real life. Ivanka could be

my sister or wife—we're that close, I mean.

My own social media company

shows I'm an inventor. The Trump Vaccine

has saved the world. I want my Nobel Prize.

How did Obama get one? He's all lies!

Melania Trump

My husband, Donald, such a selfish man.

How have I managed so well all these years?

I have to tell you he could be a dear

when he wanted. I just don't understand

what happened. I think life is stranger than

movies. I had a modeling career

that led to everything I have here

in Florida. A son, a husband,

servants. My loving mother and father

have their own suite. I'm so relieved no more

White House staff. It was the worst bother,

those people going in and out of doors

all the time. Who could I trust? I like where

we are now though. I can tell Donald's scared

about what's next. He's become more selfish,

if that's even possible. He still watches

too much TV news. His face has splotches

so he needs more make-up. Sometimes I wish

we could go back in time. I speak English

good and strong, and know my accent touches

people because they write me. A duchess,

Donald wants me to be. His queen. I wish

only to be wife and mother. Barron

has my heart. He's gotten so very tall.

He's well-behaved and I have to mention

his sense of humor. He used to be small,

but how he's grown. I love watching him thrive—

I'm his mother. The others have their knives

out for him and Tiffany. Ivanka

can be so cruel. I don't know what's with her

sometimes. Maybe she's jealous. I've loved her

because she's Donald's own. But Ivanka

is a cold one. I'm thinking Florida

suits her. The heat. We're all so much better

there. I hated Washington. Reporters

everywhere. Vultures. A quick Virginia

trip to shop and there would be a story.

But whatever. I always tried to do

best. I didn't care for all the glory

like Donald. I worry about him. Too

selfish. Golfing is what relaxes him,

so he should golf more. He had big problems

being president. I warned him and said

it wouldn't be like he thought. I was right,

but he didn't listen. He's not a white

supremacist, like people say. I said

he needed to show his nice sides. He's dead

to me sometimes. I take long hot baths, light

candles, get a massage. Most every night

I'll sleep ten hours on a firm mattress. Beds

are important. I watch all that I eat.

I've stopped talking to Donald about food.

He used to be much more fun. We'd greet

each day as big adventure. Now he's good

to grumble and complain how everyone

is out to get him. His dedication

to only himself is the thing I can't

understand. But what would I do without

my husband? I like to shop. I go out

when I can. I like Palm Beach. I don't want

much. Barron is a fine young man. I can't

imagine my life without him. No doubt

he'll do great things and have a large amount

of girlfriends. I'm telling him what's in front

of him. His sister, Tiffany, is good

influence. Maybe he'll do a law school

like her. Or business like his father would

like him to. I don't make too many rules

which can get confusing. I like my sleep,

and my beauty aids. I have tastes. My deep

concern is beauty in all things. I made

the White House a much more beautiful place

inside and out. Some days I couldn't face

anyone there so didn't. The parade

of people—crazy. I couldn't have stayed

four more years. It's like a prison, a space

I couldn't breathe. It felt like a waste

of my time. Being First Lady betrayed

who I am. Donald liked to watch TV

in his wing. Sometimes I could hear him shout

for hours. It was bad for the family,

the White House. Mar-a-Lago is about

better togetherness. Donald is changed

for the worse though. I'm afraid his poor brain

is hurt and doesn't work like it used to.

He's different. More selfish now, like a boy

who pouts when he's lost his favorite toys.

Playing golf is what relaxes him. Who

ever could have guessed the truth? I thought I knew

what I was getting into. I enjoyed

Donald for years. But something got destroyed

in Washington. Fortunately I do

well for myself. My agreement by law

means Barron and myself are taken care

no matter what. My expert lawyers saw

to my monthly allowance. I don't dare

trust any of them, most of all my husband,

when it comes to money. I can depend

only on me and my parents—they're the ones

I'll talk to. They tell me Donald might go

to jail. I answered impossible, no,

my husband is too smart. But now, I've come

to see the dangers. There's no solution

perfectly safe for him. Mar-a-Lago

should be in another country. I know

some day we may have to pack quick and run

to catch a plane. It puts a lot of stress

on all of us. Maybe go far away

like Dubai, where I've been, and there's less

crime than anywhere. My husband can play

golf there most of the year. I won't worry

unless things get worse. I'm in no hurry

now that we're through with being government.

I'm busy each day with beautiful thoughts.

It's sad. The meanness and ugliness ought

to disappear. I'm so proud how I spent

my time fighting bullies. It's my judgment

and I sleep so well. My best ideas have taught

the world about this problem. Now I've brought

this to book writing. I have an agent

and an author who are helping me here.

An artist too. This will be for children

and parents both. Bullies are everywhere

on the planet. All countries. I've met them

and not let them change who I am inside,

even when they hit me and yelled. I cried

when I was little. But I grew tougher,

and my life turned out happy. I do good,

and then did better and best. I eat food

that keeps me trim and shapely. Together

we can do this. I know wars are rougher

on people. Countries can bully too. Should

we just let them walk over us? We should

end all wars, end all bullying. Better

we do it soon. The Florida beaches

are smaller. My husband doesn't notice

and doesn't listen when I try to teach

important things. That's what happened to us—

he just watches TV when not playing

golf. One reporter asked why I'm staying

with him. That was an older interview.

I shook my head. Such a question. Donald

and I have our marriage. There are untold

pleasures and benefits. I have issues

with strangers in personal matters. True,

I like my privacy. I know Donald

has his faults. I'm not blind. I see. I've told

him what I think. In the end, he will do

what he does. That's Donald. Yes, I've warned him

that the worst could happen to everyone

in his family. But that's their problem

mostly. I've saved money so if theirs runs

out as they fight in court, Barron and I

will be fine. But that's not my plan. I try

to think positively. I want less guns

on the street. All weapons out of public

sight. I'm glad I am me. The bullies pick

fights all the time. We can't let them win. One

smart thing is using laws so decisions

come from the top. Americans can stick

together and unite against the old tricks.

I've spoken to Donald. I want Barron

in the best schools. He's such a darling boy,

and our hope for the future. I believe

we're all supposed to prosper and enjoy

the fruits of the land. I've worked hard to leave

ugliness behind. We have to stand up

for love and beauty. There have been corrupt

men on all sides. My husband's not perfect,

but he meant well and didn't start new wars.

He loves the United States and is for

love and beauty. As a wife I'll protect

him as much as I can. No one is perfect

however. At the end of the day, poor

people are ones always complaining more

when it's really their own fault. We affect

the world each day, and are responsible

for our lives. I'll never apologize

for living in health and beauty. I'm full

of hope. But if my husband, Donald, dies

or ends up in prison, I won't suffer.

Barron and I will still have each other.

Donald Trump Jr.

Our great country is on its way to hell,

but I won't let it happen. Disgusting,

the vast radical socialist thinking

of Biden Democrats. I'm called to tell

the honest truth—America's unwell

until we take it back. My dad's making

plans and I'm right there with him deciding

what's next. If Biden has his way he'll sell

us to China. Just look at what his son

was up to overseas. I can't believe

the lamestream fake news liars. A function

of hypocrisy. I'll be so relieved

when we finally get to the bottom

of Biden corruption. The main problem

with this once-great land is bias against

hard-working regular people. I tell

my dad what I see. He agrees it's hell

here. Democrats love gutting investments

and infrastructure. They have backwards sense,

I call it. Upside-down. They went and fell

in the Chinese hole. All the way to hell.

I approved the firing of Mike Pence

who doesn't even get yet he's been fired.

A pitiful excuse of a human.

We need new blood. Energy. The same tired

faces won't do it. My dad's still fuming—

he has great instincts, so young for his age.

He loves the rallies, the biggest stages

so that's what we're giving him. His chief role

may change. Sometimes he sits there not fully

himself. He's thinking deep, but I truly

get worried sometimes. I don't believe polls

showing Biden lovers. Democrat trolls

are nut cases. Crackheads. The worst bullies

in the world. AOC wasn't duly

elected either. What a mouth. I told

my dad to make it a priority

to terminate her and her Green New Deal

nonsense. She's nasty. My dad's right. Nasty

as they come. So nasty. The only steal

and the biggest lie come from the corrupt

radical Socialist, Joe Biden, up

in the White House, Obama pulling strings.

It's enough to make good patriots sick

to their stomachs. They're working really quick

with their judges and courts. It's worrying

dad, worrying me, even worrying

Kimberly, who knows law. Disgraceful pricks,

Dem attorneys. They say they want to fix

the system and do investigating.

The hell with them! Hunter Biden has done

more to damage America and our

world-wide reputation than anyone.

Joe Biden must be removed from power—

impeach the old man. And make the son pay

for his international crime wave. May

we have real justice soon! Our great country

won't survive if we don't secure midterms

and make the States pure again. We have firm

support from our major donors. Money

is pouring in. They used to be funny,

weakling Democrats—but these days they've learned

to cheat the system. They're worse than German

Nazis, and canceled Dr.Seuss. You see

what I mean! People ask me what's happened

over here. I travel around the world,

and we're a laughing stock. It's so much crap,

I tell them. Hunter Biden is a turd!

My father's still the legal president,

and we'll be taking back the government

before long. That's what I tell them! I'm glad

we still have secret service protection

because Antifa rioters with guns

want to kill me, an American mad

as hell at injustice, just like my dad.

Don't get me wrong. I love wolf hunting in

Alaska, and always have a weapon

on me. I love to shoot! But it's so sad

I can't shoot Democrats—only kidding,

but shooting is the best sport. Someone ought

to teach Pelosi a lesson, piddling

shrew. Even though I don't golf, my dad taught

me to compete. I'm proud of who I am,

a business figure who won't give a damn

what most people say, such as my ex,

who's too soft, but a very good mother

for the children. Now they have another

excellent role model. Kimberly checks

all the boxes. Plus she's twisted! The sex

is from some other planet! I love her

like I've never loved before. My father

studies her close; she's really hot. We text

all the time we're not together, and think

so much alike, and have the exact same

dreams for the future. We don't have to drink

to have fun, and I love she has no shame

at all. Crazy! She's like the rarest fox

or tiger—nothing I do ever shocks

that girl. Nothing. Still, she says she worries

that I don't fully get the subtleties

we're facing, but my university

was Ivy League and hers wasn't. I see

so much more than anyone knows, and we

agree much more than we don't. Family

is the most important thing, we agree

on that, and carry a very healthy

appetite for wealth and what it can do.

Kimberly is the best—I don't know what

I'd have done without her this year. She's true

in conservative beliefs and she cuts

through Biden's bullshit in super-human

fashion. She's my wicked Wonder Woman

because she says things I'd never repeat

and gets me laughing, sexy dark-haired queen

with a warped sense of humor. What she means—

I don't even know sometimes—but she's sweet

and really tough. And she gives off this heat

that takes the pressure off. I've never been

with a real experienced pro who's seen

inside the fake news racket. I repeat

I won't be going to jail. Nor will dad,

or Ivanka, or Eric. Our lawyers

will see to that. We're rich so we'll throw wads

of cash at all the threats, and go further

than the Supreme Court even—we'll appeal

to our supporters if we need to. We'll

do whatever we have to and return

my dad to his rightful presidency

before extending the Trump dynasty

to me and one of the grandkids. We've earned

the right to lead because all of us learned

so much the past months and years. I foresee

war if the gross illegitimacy

of the Biden coup isn't called out. Burn

their house down if we have to. Burn it down

and call in the military to put

out the fire and clean things up. It may sound

like a mess, but we've got to act, and shut

the traitors down, once and for all. My dad

is getting older, and he wants it bad,

the chance to finish his job. Four more years,

and maybe more, was all he asked. The best

president in history. We were blessed

to have him, and look at all he did. We're

much better off with judges. There's no fear

now in the Middle East. And the big quest

for a safe vaccine—once more my dad pressed

for answers. That's success. The fake news cheers

lie after liberal lie. My dad was

the reason we were making more progress

in this country than ever before. Does

patriotism still count? I obsess

over the future of this great country,

just like my father. We have to be free

to carry firearms and to protect

the sanctity of each state's elections

from fraud. Let's all follow the directions

of my dad, Donald J. Trump. His effect

has been unmistakable. He connects

with billions of our loyal citizens,

and is admired world-wide. His great mission

is my mission. The Democrats have wrecked

our government. Witch hunt after witch hunt

after witch hunt. They'll never stop! They hate

my father, they hate me, and it doesn't

end. They don't think our great country is great.

Haters! Liars! Fraudsters! They're all the same

radical Democrats. I'm proud my name

is Donald J. Trump, Jr., the first son

of the greatest American ever.

Democrats want all of us to suffer

the failure of Obama and Biden.

They want to take away all of our guns.

They want my family jailed forever.

They want to say no, no, can't do, never.

They think you and I don't pay attention.

My father is still the real President

of the USA. January 6th

was a start. We must take back government

or else. Violence is the quickest fix.

Listen to my father. He speaks the truth.

Democrats lie, steal, and corrupt our youth!

Kimberly Guilfoyle

No one's ever seen anything like me.

Beauty, men—such handsome, powerful men—

I'm the quintessential American

woman. I should play me in a movie,

though it could be Angelina Jolie.

She could be me. I could be her. We're friends

in spirit. We have imagination

to live much bigger and stronger, and be

role models for all the girls who desire

more. I made something special of myself.

Hard work in school. Smart. Loudest voice in choir.

Brash. Always looked my best. Always top shelf.

Boys wanted me. Men, too. Being pretty

has benefits, most of all in cities.

I was first lady of San Francisco

when I was also a prosecutor.

That Democrat ex is now governor.

Life can be strange! One day a horror show,

the next a silky red carpet that goes

straight to heaven. I love it everywhere.

I know rich and poor, and I know terror

and hatred. Why else do you think I'm so

passionate to the conservative cause?

I wage war on crime. I know how things are,

and, sure, my fiancé's dad has his flaws.

I see it all. But we have to think far

ahead. Our country is on the wrong path.

It's obvious. Let's do some simple math

and count rampaging Blacks on meth and crack,

plus fentanyl coming in every day

from Mexico. I love my fiancé

who's so outspoken. He may not show tact,

but he's who he is. We know all the facts

because we're in the news. We have to stay

on top of things, and continue to say

our truth. My man's dad! Sometimes he so lacks

restraint, but we all adore him. He is

who he is too. When we speak with him now—

it's rough, he's losing a step. I'll say this:

the partisan witch hunts are tough. They slow

him down, and he needs much better lawyers

to make his case. That means real warriors

to see us through. The Democrats will lie,

cheat, and steal. RINOs might even be worse—

we're always watching our backs. A big curse

on all of them. Some day, I know, they'll die,

and, thank God, finally disappear. Here's why

it's been such a hard time. Biden's the first

unelected president, and the worst

in history. A corrupt, senile guy

who smiles as he chops the best policies

Donald Sr. achieved. Our government's

been hijacked. Our once great democracy

may have fallen ill, but it's our intent

to put Donald J. Trump back in power

next year. We've got to do this. This is our

wonderful country they're desecrating.

It's my plan to return to the White House,

marry Donald Jr., make that old house

our Washington home. I know they're claimimg

Donald Sr.'s in trouble. They've been claiming

that for years. Donald Sr. is no mouse,

I tell you. Lion? Yes. Tiger? Yes. Mouse?

He's a man's man, the kind I'd be dating

if we met at a proper time. His boy

has a lot of spunk.That's why I'm with him.

I like a man who thoroughly enjoys

me and who I can enjoy. Tangled limbs.

Hair. Sweat. Lips. Teeth. Donald Jr.'s body

suits mine. Who's the lucky one? Him or me?

I can't say except that we found a match

of equals and opposites. I'm happy

mixing politics and business. His sappy

ex has the kids. I've got a man to scratch,

bite, gnaw on, and kick. If there's a catch,

we haven't found it yet. I've had crappy

sex, but this man is hot, like his daddy

must have been in his prime. I like to watch

Donald howl. What an animal. A beast,

just like me. Yet we both clean up so nice

for the next speech, luncheon, interview, feast.

I think of everything I've done. It's twice

as impressive given where I've come from.

I love my life. I even have my son

who's handsome and brilliant. If my Donald

ever is president, I'd be the best

first lady. Melania is obsessed

with issues that don't matter. She's as old

as I am, but she's stiff, and acts so cold

to everyone. Her “urgent” beauty rest

lasts twenty hours a day. My big test

is to stay civil with her. If I told

what I knew about her and Ivanka,

the whole world would go crazy. It's sad

how both Melania and Ivanka

could have done such good, and were both so bad

when they had the chance. Princess Ivanka,

I call her, in exile in Florida,

always sulking that her old New York friends

abandoned her. She knows the wrong people,

and, worse, wants them to like her. She's so full

of it. And her cold, little husband tends

to her every wish. I wish I could send

them both to a villa in Portugal

somewhere out of the way, rural and dull,

so they could be their true selves. She pretends

to be Trump, daddy's pretty blonde princess.

If I'd have had her opportunities

growing up, I would have married the best

and richest, and wouldn't have settled. She's

become such a Jew. I hate to say it

like that, but it's true. Worse, she'd even quit

this marvelous family if she could.

What's wrong with that girl? My Donald

wonders too. I love my man is ribald

and strong, like his daddy. He has such moods,

just like me. It's good we like the same foods,

have the same values. I think if I told

what we do for fun—it doesn't get old

how our bodies enjoy the other. Should

we? Or shouldn't we? We always make time

for pleasure. My Donald has had a rough

go of it. Elections are on his mind

24-7. Luckily he's tough,

my man. And I'm tough too, such a perfect

fit. We've bounced back in polls. Now re-elect

his daddy—the most patriotic thing

our country can ever do. I worry,

sure, about the courts. I'm only sorry

I'm not the one on TV defending

him in New York and Georgia. I'm missing

that drama sometimes. We've got to bury

the Deep State actors, the only story

we ought to be talking about. This ring

I wear shows my commitment to freedom,

and making America great again.

Mark my words, Donald Trump will be welcomed

back to the White House. We'll make a garden

of the Biden swamp. And we'll see to it

that the whole crime-ridden Biden crew sits

in limbo, like we've been the past three years.

They've set a precedent they can't take back.

Donny can't wait to see daddy unpack

the Deep State lies. His daddy has big ears

and memory—absolutely no fear

when it comes to getting even. He lacks

nothing. I'm counting days until we're back

in the White House. My Donald's grand career

plan is to succeed his daddy. I'll be

right there by his side. How I've always known

I'd be the most amazing First Lady,

the ultimate. I'd love to set the tone

for this wonderful country. Cameras

adore me from Jersey to Alaska—

I'd be role model for girls and women

everywhere. Staying in shape is vital,

and so is doing what you love. I'm full

of love for this great country, and my men.

We've got to become more Republican—

it's crucial. Our West Coast is a cesspool.

I say it and I grew up there! The fools

that are in charge. Pedophiles and vermin,

I have to say. I used to be married

to one. But look at me! Look how I've made

myself bigger than life. Now I'm married

to the right side of history. I've prayed

for the grandest fairy tale life. I love

every last thing about me. I'm made of

exquisite looks, money, charm. I can talk

in front of hundreds, thousands, millions.

My fiancé's daddy is worth billions.

I want the power to make the world walk

when I say walk, run when I say run. Walk,

run, stop, sit, get up, jump, skip, dance, fly, swim.

Sit when I say sit. Swim when I say swim.

It's one thing to talk, and I'll always talk.

It's another thing to do, and I do

what I say. I'll be the best, most famous

First Lady in history. What I'll do

is transform the Trump White House businesses.

We'll make movies that I'll direct and star.

Democrats can go to hell! This is war!

Eric Trump

The biggest witch humt in all history—

my daddy always speaks the biggest truths.

The fake news is all about libs. All youth

is on our side, but they're taught CRT

in college with other corrupt studies.

No wonder the country is a mess! Truth

will prevail against the unwashed, uncouth

Democrats. They lie! No real mystery

they stole 2020 and are all set

to steal '24. My daddy is right

how they're anti-American. He gets

what Americans truly want—the right

to be safe and prosperous. Foreigners

are not welcome except to serve dinner,

clean rooms, pick fruit, and help with construction.

Muslims shouldn't be allowed even that—

and I can't believe corrupt Democrats

have voted Muslim in rigged elections.

My daddy is on the greatest mission

in recorded history. We know what's

true here, a failing superpower that's

unleashed all its force. This corrupt nation

hates our whole family. When will it stop?

The lies. The untruths. Investigation

after investigation. They've turned cops

against us. It's all this sick projection.

They're the ones who are supremely guilty.

Deep state swamp! Hunter Biden is dirty,

as is Joe Biden, his senile father.

Unelected president, he's crooked

as they come. Joe and Hunter wrote the book

on crime. Bribes! China! Ukraine! My father

is the opposite. He doesn't bother

with all the pretty talk. My daddy looks

tough because he is. He's learned what it took

to be such a big, strong leader. Others

are jealous. Or afraid. The Democrats

are the weakest bunch. They're women. Or Black.

Or I don't know—they're Mexican! I'm at

the end of my rope with the courts. They act

like they have this power. It's so unfair.

The Democrat judges would ban all prayer

if they could. And take away every gun

and let out of jail every murderer

and foreign drug-runner. It gets harder

and harder to believe what libs have done

to this once-great land. You can't imagine

how our family has had to suffer

though we're the most amazing warriors

who love America's Constitution.

They're after the Trump name! I've had to go

testify I don't know how many times,

innocent Eric who knows what I know,

and have always told the real truth. The times

I've worked late. Somebody has to do it,

so I do. I've done such a lot—permits,

paperwork, how I've had to oversee

the golf courses, the wines, the real estate.

It's more than anybody thinks. Kuwait

booked our DC hotel annually

to celebrate their National Day. We

adore Kuwait, but we can't just create

big spectacles out of nothing. A date

like that takes years to achieve. I'm happy

behind the scenes, making calls, shaking hands,

traveling to the Middle or Far East,

or our Scotland resort. I understand

what it takes. Finance can be such a beast,

but it's in our blood. I love charities,

and have amassed millions. I guarantee

nobody has ever done more to fight

childhood cancer. No one ever sees

all the work I do. It's hardly a breeze,

the long hours How I've tried with all my might

to be a good son and husband, the knight

in shining armor. We all should be free

to prosper. That's why it's a tragedy—

this mean-spirited swamp that plots all night

in darkness to rob all the Trumps of their

way of life. It's an absolute disgrace,

the current government of toadies, queers,

and sycophants. Please, more of Nancy Mace,

and representatives like her. A voice

of reason. America has a choice

these coming years. We can either become

the has-been third-rate country typified

by the Biden, Pelosi, Clinton side,

or we can return to greatness, the sum

of my daddy, plus more Republicans

in the House and Senate. Joe Biden lied

about his son, Hunter. And how he's lied

about everything else. Let's throw the bums

out of Washington! They're only thinking

of themselves, and running this great country

into the ground. Every day we're sinking

further into ruin! This is real money

we're talking about. I'm a father too.

I want my kids to be able to do

what I used to. My daddy is the strong

leader our once-great country clamors for.

This is a time of life or death. Before

or after. Triumph or loss. Right or wrong.

History is now. I'm proud I'm among

the true patriots that want freedom's door

to always be wide open, waiting for

our children and grandchildren. It belongs

to us, this once-great country, not to hordes

crossing our southern border, bringing drugs

and trouble. Democrats have led us towards

destruction. Who could have thought of that mug

shot of my daddy? That's the real crime here,

an out-of-control government that fears

truth, and weaponizes courts to indict

political opponents. That's no land

I want for kids! I'll never understand

how Democrats can even sleep at night.

I'm a U.S. citizen who's tall, white,

and dresses well. I'm proud of the Trump brand,

which is known worldwide. And they think they can

take it all away from us by some sleight

of hand, trying my daddy, getting us

on the stand. That's not the America

I know and love. Joe Biden's why we must

rise and make our voices heard. Iowa,

New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin,

Arizona, Nevada, Michigan,

Georgia. Yes, Atlanta, Georgia, where their

rogue district attorney needs to be jailed

herself. Arrest that girl and deny bail—

let her taste her own medicine. Sounds fair

to me. Georgia! We've got to get stronger there.

Marjorie Taylor Greene is a female

we can rally around. State-wide we've failed

to turn the votes we've needed. I get scared

sometimes late at night. The trials. The courts.

The judges. I'll wake my dear wife to talk.

She always calms me when I'm out of sorts—

she's so smart. Maybe we'll go out and walk

the dogs, no matter the hour. I worry

about daddy, and money. The stories

have gotten so complicated I can't

recall everything that really happened.

That's a problem. My wife is my best friend,

more than my brother or sister. I want

daddy to love me more. I know I want

so much I can't have. I worry the end

is near. Did you know South Florida tends

to flood all year round? It's such a constant

headache. The canals only do so much—

They say the state will be underwater

before I'm gone. I feel I'm out of touch

sometimes with my family. My daughter

and son are so precious. They're why I fight

for my daddy who's almost always right,

and even when he's not, he still right more

than the libs. These have been the three worst years

of my life. They want to take our careers

and flush them down the crapper. They love wars,

and if they stay in power for four more,

I don't know what. Here's what I really fear—

my daddy sentenced to jail to the cheers

of Democrats. They want a civil war?

They'll get one! I want our great country back

and my daddy in the White House again.

That's what we're fighting. We've got to attack

the Biden crime family. We'll hunt them

like I've hunted elephant and leopard.

I have a good eye if you haven't heard—

and me and my family have had enough.

Joe and Hunter Biden, a father-son

tag team out to kill the Constitution.

Their time is just about up. We have stuff

on the laptop, and that's not all. It's rough

out there. Rough! It's tough to stop the motions

coming from every single direction,

but that's our way. The Trumps have had enough!

Then my daddy beats Biden so we can

get back to the businesses of the day.

We've got to make it a Republican

landslide—and we will. It's what the polls say.

My life and the lives of my family

depend on this. We have a great country!

Lara Trump

I hit the big jackpot with my Eric.

As soon as I first saw him, I just knew,

and it's been better than I dreamed. He's true

to this leggy Southern girl. I'm not slick,

but I know who I am and how to think

on my feet. My happiness continues.

I travel. I speak out. I know how to

connect with regular folks. There no trick

to being me. Sometimes I have to pinch

myself that it's all real. Husband, kids, dogs.

This conservative Southern girl—an inch

from the greatest president. When I jog

or bike, I can't stop wondering what's next,

and then, can you believe it, there's a text

from my sweet husband, or brother-in-law,

or one from my father-in-law's people

asking me to help here or there to pull

something together. There's a built-in draw

to the Trump name, and it's mine. If I saw

this coming at NC State—impossible!

You'd have thought I was some nut case. I'm still

not sure this isn't a dream. But no slaw,

potato salad, or brisket these days.

Steak. Roast beef. The best fresh veggies and fruit.

Of course I hear what everybody says

about my father-in-law. Not to toot

my own horn, but I get to see him close

and personal. A gentlemanly host

each and every time. I deeply respect

what he's done for this great country and what

he'll do when he's back as president. That

is not in doubt, but how can we accept

the other side's legal antics? Expect

payback when we're back in power. I've sat

at events with hypocrite Democrats

and I can't believe the gall. Re-elect

my father-in-law is the one answer.

I worry all the time for my husband,

who's a dear. He's raised money for cancer,

to help children. His big heart extends

everywhere he goes. He's good with money,

and treats me wonderfully. I'm lucky

in so many ways. Though I loved the city,

I'm happier back South, though Florida

is so different than North Carolina.

(But I'm glad I got to name my pretty

little girl Carolina!) We're so free

in this house here. It's almost like a spa,

and so close to Donald Jr. It's calm

down here too, but if we need to go see

my father-in-law, it's a quick half-hour

ride with beautiful views. Seriously,

who'd have imagined that I could say ours

every time I said Trump. Lara Trump—me.

It's not time yet since the kids are so young,

but I so look to announcing a run

as a North Carolina senator,

or else a Congressional seat. I'd love

to serve in D.C. where I'd rise above

the rank and file. We have to do better,

us Republicans, better and greater.

We've got to steer right. That's what we're made of

if we're honest with ourselves. How I love

fiscal reform—we shouldn't be debtors.

And don't get me started with the unborn.

They're shameless, these pro-vaccine Democrats

who'll kill off our most vulnerable. I mourn

every last aborted child. We have facts

they never acknowledge. They want freedom

without responsibility. I come

from a good, loving home with real values.

I'm educated, and have lived enough

different places to understand how tough

the world can be. New York City just blew

me away at first. But if I can do

what I do, we all can survive the rough

times life throws us. I call Joe Biden's bluffs,

all of them. There's no straightforward excuse

for this witch hunt that's going on for years

and years now. You'd think by now they'd realize

the American people have a clear

understanding that's it all such unwise

nonsense. Frankly, I'm embarrassed by him,

and for our country. We're better than them,

us patriots. Joe Biden would rather

fund the unending conflict in Ukraine

than keep our Southern border safe. His brain

isn't what it used to be. I gather

it's the wife who runs the horror show there

after they trot the old man out to claim

some petty accomplishment. I can't name

all the lies, and the damage. My father-

in-law has his work cut out for him once

we return to the White House. I promise

he's learned so much from his first term. No stunts

this next time from subordinates. The list

of loyalists is long. We'll hit the ground

running. I'm positive I'll be around

to help. It won't be like 2016,

where it took forever to figure out

the rules. Obama's team was without doubt

no help. They postponed meetings, acted mean

to our whole family. They could have been

more gracious! But this shouldn't be about

that. Our country's so much greater without

the divisions. My father-in-law means

what he says when he wants to return us

to a more peaceful world. The Middle East

is one of his specialties. We discuss

it all the time. Russia can be a beast,

but he knows what to do. He loves Russia,

and the people there. Our America

has the potential to be great again.

But it means getting rid of Democrats,

their liberal judges and agenda that

tarnish this whole splendid country. We can

do all that, and it makes me want to win

'24 more than ever because what's

at stake are kids—their every future act,

mine, yours, the unborn too. Republicans

understand this. That's why we're so vocal,

steadfast, and brave. I'm a loving mother

and wife before all else—and for local

control always except when there are other

essential considerations. I love

the United States. Our flag waves above

our home. I'm overjoyed to be married

to my husband, Eric Trump, a good man,

a devoted dad, and my biggest fan.

I'd be much less without him. We've carried

one another everywhere. That's how we

manage so much. Iowa, Michigan,

New York, Georgia. Eric's such a good son.

We'll squash his dad's court dates. I've guaranteed

before and guarantee again no jail

for my dear father-in-law, not a chance.

We have truth on our side, which never fails,

even if we have to appeal. We'll advance

past the early primaries, take Biden

head-on. I predict a Republican

landslide in November: presidency,

Senate, House. January '25

we'll turn the lights back on, and will arrive

like gangbusters, the eighth anniversary

of our earlier triumph. Victory!

Sweet victory! I don't think he'll forgive,

my father-in-law—he'll show up with knives—

but we know how to calm him. Victory,

immunity, it will all be so sweet

from November on. And January

promises a brand new clean slate complete

with pardons. Eric and I can't wait to see

the Democrats sputter and go crazy.

It makes me laugh, just thinking AOC,

that awful Adam Schiff, Jamie Raskin,

and don't get me started on Liz Cheney,

more sanctimonious than our crazy

governor Ron. Wait until we're back in

the West Wing, replacing old Joe Biden

with a real leader. I can't wait to be

there with others, witnessing history,

making it too. Sometimes I can't even

believe how this tall, pretty Southern girl

has come so far so fast. I have to say

I always knew in my heart this big world

was looking after me so I'd have my day

and my dreams. Still, it's so improbable—

I sometimes shake my head. Then I just pull

on my shorts, slip on running shoes, go run,

or else get on my bike. Some days I'll swim.

I love being alone with thoughts, my limbs

in motion. It's like I'm a teen again,

free to be anybody. No husband,

no kids, no one telling me what the Dems

have done, and what we have to do to them.

Just me swimming, biking, running, the fun

of being a girl again. That helps me

be a better mother to my own two.

I met dear Eric. That was my lucky,

lucky day because now I'm a Trump too.

Congresswoman, Senator, Governor,

I love the cameras. Take my picture!

Jared Kushner

First, you have to understand I'm a Jew,

a modern Orthodox Jew, and a son.

That might say it all. I think the most fun

I have is managing money. I do

it all—make, spend, borrow, lend. It feels new

every day, the portfolio. I'm one

step ahead, always. It's dedication

and smarts. That's all money is. I want to

make the world a better place for us Jews,

and others too. That's why the Middle East

has my deepest attention, We can't lose

Israel ever. I've made friends in at least

nine Arab countries. They're powerful friends

who know me, and I, them. In the end

that's who I am, a Jew, and dealmaker

in behalf of Jews. The Nobel Peace Prize

might be mine someday when people realize

all I've done. But we won't campaign. Rather,

I stay quiet and do my job ever

mindful of subtleties. Fridays I'm wise

to make it home (that is if no one dies).

There, I'm the gentle husband and father,

light the candles. My father taught me how

to be. He's always been the absolute

best with money. I owe my success now

to him. I always look good—a dark suit,

a plain tie. Harvard honors. NYU

Law. Business. A smart investor. A Jew.

Didn't I bring up I'm a dealmaker—

not just money, but culture, religion,

the big issues of the day. I mention

Israel because that's our truth. Whenever

I doubt, I think Israel, and remember

who I am, what I do. A Jew, a son,

a dealmaker, an investor. I'm one

of millions in the tribe. I've tested her,

my dear wife, who converted so I could

marry her. Three kids! Two boys! How I sing

her praises, Vanky. No, I never would

have made such colossal deals like bringing

Jews and Arabs together without her

incredibly weird daddy. I'd made sure

to stay on his good side most all of those

four years he was president. He let me

into his circle. I just let him be,

agreed he was “ a genius”—I suppose

he really believes he actually knows

everything everywhere—and then agree

and agree some more. It was so easy

to do what I wanted—follow my nose.

The vast resources of this great country—

secret service protection. And direct

flights anywhere in the world. It's funny

thinking of some of the hotels I checked

into for meetings. My father-in-law

has a glut of obvious, fatal flaws,

but a better friend Israel never had,

He allowed the kind of access no one

else could have imagined. The Jewish son

of a Jewish son, I honor my dad.

Years back he warned me Donald Trump was bad,

a man to stay far away from. It's one

more thing I've had to deal with. But he's done,

and dad got pardoned. I can't say how glad

I am to be fully back managing

real estate and money. I might return

to media ownership. I'm thinking

of everything I might do. What we've learned,

Vanky and I, is to not be involved

in the '24 campaign. We can't solve

what can't possibly be solved. We both think

her father's likely going to prison.

Plus Vanky's got a tough situation

there with her brothers. Not to overthink,

but we'll keep our distance. Another blink,

and 2024 will be over, done,

complete, and we can return to reason.

I love Miami but I have to think

about spending more time up north. My dad

and mom, my brother and sisters. Vanky

hates how some of our old friends are still mad

and won't speak to us. But my family

has welcomed her, and that's the bigger thing.

We both know her father won't stop fighting,

but it's all uphill. The four indictments,

so many felony charges. It looks

awful, I''ll admit, and we're on the hook

by distant association. I've spent

hours talking to various government

officials. Vanky too. I wrote a book

on Donald's term of office, what it took

to keep him somewhat restrained, what it meant

for our country to have such a brave, strong

leader, and so unapologetic

in his beliefs. So many of us longed

for such a powerful and magnetic

head of state. He had his wins and losses,

and he truly wasn't an easy boss

to work under. But he reshaped the courts,

and oversaw increased border patrol

and protection. My own number one goal

was the Middle East, and we reached all sorts

of agreements. That's something you can't force.

I helped get Israelis and Saudis all

working together. We made the place whole,

at least for awhile. Killing is like sports

over there, A different world. Tel Aviv,

Jerusalem, Riyadh, Abu Dhabi,

Dubai. I'm proud to say I always leave

a place cleaner than when I come. We'll see

what's next. I'll continue to invest time,

energy, resources. We've got to climb

higher; we've always got to grow. My plan

is to take the money the Saudis sent,

and aggressively invest. Governments

that are friendly are the most help. I can

go from there, whether North American,

Middle Eastern, Asian. I've shared meals, spent

time with civic and world leaders. It's meant

bypassing hold-ups. Again and again

it feels like I'm partly an opportunist,

taking advantage of what's before me.

Sometimes it feels like gambling, I don't miss

often, but even when I lose, I see

how to come out ahead later. Vanky

doesn't ask questions. She reminds me

of my mom sometimes, how my wife and I

get along, so much like my mom and dad.

My mom was the perfect homemaker, glad

to drive to Bar Mitzvah lessons, or buy

clothes, or take us to the dentist. She'd try

to make office business meetings with dad

as she could. The important ones. They had

an understanding, mom and dad. The High

Holy Days were always the most special.

Synagogue, then everybody over

after sundown. It's so incredible

to remember. And we're starting over

with my Modern Orthodox family.

Vanky is perfectly fine letting me

take care of the money. And I let her

drive the kids to all the schools and lessons.

We have the best nannies too, the best in

the world maybe. Vanky is homemaker,

chef, gardener. She does it all! I'm her

biggest fan. What's crazy is she'll mention

she's more Jewish than me, and she's right on

following traditions, and making sure.

Even my dear mom has now come around

and treats her like she's always been one of

our chosen ones. Ivanka Kushner—sounds

like we've arrived full circle. How I love

my wife, my children, our whole family,

though it's still prickly with her dad. We'll see

is about all I can say. I suppose

there's still a chance he can delay enough

to avoid conviction. But so much stuff

to face, and every few weeks the list grows,

plus I don't think he has lawyers that know

how to handle him. Vanky knows how tough

he is. Me too. The Trumps will have a rough

go at it, I'm afraid. Donald Trump throws

people under buses. He'll dump his kids

when the time comes. Ivanka Kushner will

find the other side. We did what we did,

just like her brothers did what they thought will

serve them. A complicated family

I married into. But they let me see

worlds I wouldn't have entered otherwise.

And the opportunity to do good

in ways my own amazing father could

never have imagined. The Nobel Prize?

I've done special work no one will realize

for years. Israel. The Saudis. They both should

prosper. We're all more alike than not. Good

people are everywhere amid the lies,

corruption, and killings. We're Ivy League.

Ivanka Kushner and I—which means best

of the best. Enough with all the intrigue—

we only want happy lives for fhe rest

of our families. Others too. We Jews

just want to mind our business. That's my view.

Ivanka Trump

It's been hard. I love my daddy so much

so very much. I'm blessed to have Jared

and the kids. I'm smart, pretty, and married

to a man I'm proud of. My daddy's crushed—

I see that—but what can we do? I'm touched

he's still so energetic. He's carried

the weight of the world, and it shows. It's said

he's senile. No he's not. He's daddy, such

as he's always been. He can be a bit

gruff, and says what he shouldn't. But that's him,

my loving daddy. I told him to quit

years ago, but no, he didn't listen.

Jared's a dear, and he's made the big bucks.

I love him. Plus he looks good in a tux,

which is important. My daddy looks good

in one too. I adore formal affairs—

it's where I shine most. I can walk downstairs

in a revealing dress, and change the mood

instantly. I love doing that. I could

have modeled full-time if I didn't care

about business like I do. I can wear

anything, any color, and look good.

The past years have been really hard. Three kids

are such a handful. Without the nannies

I'd have been lost. The smartest thing we did

was buy the house and move to Miami.

We couldn't return to New York. People

can be so mean. It was impossible

to go out to eat or walk in Central Park

with the kids without someone getting hot

about daddy. I know my daddy's not

everybody's cup of tea. But rude remarks

aren't mine. Why can't we all just do our work,

and let things be? Rude people! There's a lot

of anger out there. New Yorkers have got

to get over it. Miami's a lark

in comparison. A nice home with view,

pool, and excellent schools. It's everything

I've wanted. It's close to my family too,

but far enough that no one's visiting

without making a production of it.

On the Sabbath, we're like these five hermits,

which I've found is reinvigorating.

We light candles, eat together, play games,

read. Friday evenings are often the same,

my special time with Jared, like dating

again, except we know where we're heading—

sometimes he's leading, sometimes me. The name,

Ivanka Kushner. It's my Jewish name

and my husband's big turn-on. It's his thing,

and I've embraced it. We weren't religious

growing up, so this has been a welcome

change amid so much upheaval, I miss

my New York social life. My friends were some

of the most famous people. But also

unforgivably narrow-minded. Go

look them up. Every one a Democrat,

thinking theirs is the only way to live.

But watch out. A single clash, and the knives

come out, and you're excluded, just like that,

no explanation. Forever. It's what

makes me Jewish now, The snubs. I forgive

what I can, and go on. I want to live

a good life as wife and mother. I'm at

a turning point. My daddy's in trouble,

and so are my brothers. I think I'll be

fine because I've been so reasonable,

and so has Jared. Our testimony

was in depth. It's all so complicated,

my daddy's presidency. He's hated

and beloved, a microcosm of his

entire life. Sometimes I never wanted

to see him again. I saw how he'd hunt

young women. But I was different, his

very own princess he showered with gifts.

But I didn't want the gifts. I wanted

a regular daddy who'd sit in front

and cheer our team's victories, and insist

we were great. It's been hard being his girl,

his trim blonde darling. Sometimes I wonder

if Jared's too much like daddy, a world

of resorts and big land deals made under

the cover of night. But Jared's Jewish,

and considerate. And now I'm Jewish.

The kids have gotten so big! I'm not sure

what I want to do next. Ivanka Trump

had a certain ring to it. But the Trump

name, Now I'll go with Ivanka Kushner.

Jared thinks my daddy's in much further

trouble than we know. It's a garbage dump,

what the Democrats are claiming. They've jumped

the shark with their lies. Daddy's best lawyers

are staying away, so he's not getting

good advice. And he's had godawful ones

who'll end up in jail themselves. I'm betting

poor Rudy is going down. He was fun

back in the day. And some were just plain crooks.

Opportunists. I didn't like their looks,

but Jared and I stopped coming around

after the election loss. My daddy!

It makes me sad. All the time he's angry,

and Melania is never around.

All she does is sleep and take Barron down

to be with her parents. And Kimberly

is no help. What my brother, Donny, sees

in her, I've don't know, His ex, pound for pound,

is the most admirable mom I know,

and a great all-around person. I love

talking to her about the highs and lows

of being a Trump, and a parent of

smart, beautiful kids who make you dizzy,

and very proud. Vanessa! My busy

and best friend. I'm lucky Jared and I

have such a strong marriage. If we didn't

I don't know how I'd have survived. We've spent

millions on the new house and he and I

agreed on everything. What a sweet guy!

Some of our neighbors are well-known. I've sent

texts to Tom Brady, who my daddy went

golfing with sometimes. We always walk by

Jeff Bezos's newest house. It's safe here,

and private. Perfect for the kids. And us.

Jared loves having his mom come. She's dear

to all the kids. If only we could trust

the government to leave my family

alone, everything in our lives would be

perfect. I can't do jewelry or fashion

again. Maybe I'll write another book—

something different, a Jewish cookbook

for families on Sabbath. The passion

is there. I'm so happy with religion

and family. Jared's mom and dad look

after their kids so nicely. Her mom cooks

fabulously when she's here. My mission

was to make her like me, and now she does.

I miss smart parties, but there are limits.

This feels real. I'm home with kids, and we buzz

around mornings before school. I love it!

Jared works here, or flies off to meetings.

We text all the time. Fridays we're eating

our Sabbath dinner, and we go to bed

early, Jared and I. We can spread out

in this house. The kids don't know much about

the troubles their granddaddy has. I've said

some things, but not a lot. Our girl has read

stories, but we haven't talked. I don't doubt

she knows. She's so studious, rarely pouts,

just gets to studies. She has a good head

on pretty shoulders. What a bat mitzvah

party we had. She's a young lady now,

the brightest thirteen-year old in Florida.

Boys at school like her, no surprise. They'll bow

and ask her for a dance. It's all so cute.

Her brothers look up to her. I'm suited

to be a stay-at-home mom, far away

from the cameras and lights. I'm different

now, Vanky Kushner. The D.C. years went

sideways. I'm happy enough every day

with my husband and children. And I pray

my brothers and dear daddy don't get sent

away. And he thought I'd be president

some day, my daddy! He told me to stay

ready, and that he had plans. My daddy

loves me so deeply, I know that. His heart

is good, even though he acts so badly

so often, I know him, and I'm a part

of him. Sometimes I get really confused

since I was there close and saw him misuse

his office. Daddy, I said. Don't do that—

you'll get in trouble, I tried to help him—

I'd have done most anything to save him

from himself. But he was lost. He sat

at his desk, griping about Democrats,

RINOs, loyalists who abandoned him,

and us three kids too. He was the victim

of all victims. But Daddy, I said. At

least you're rich, famous, and powerful. 

And us kids all love you. He banged his fists

on the desk, said I was impossible,

and knew less than nothing. He had a list

of the people who wronged him. The countries

too. Every last one, he snarled, owed money.

Tiffany Trump

I feel like I'm the luckiest of all

the children. My mom is alive and well,

and normal (though has stories she won't tell

about her and dad). She's great! I still call

most days, or she calls me. Nothing's too small

to go on about. She's why I've excelled

socially and all through school. When I fell

in love with Michael, I told her first, called

early the next morning. We talked for hours,

until I knew for sure I'd found the boy

for me. Michael is the best. We have our

own way to be. It's so sweet we enjoy

each other like we do. A gentleman

who's so different than the Americans

I dated growing up. He's younger too,

but you wouldn't know it by how he lives.

He works hard and is more conservative

than me even. It all feels really new,

settling in Florida, learning the who's,

what's, where's of everything. My dear mom lives

close by, which helps. I'm staying attentive

to my dad, sister, and brothers. The news

with them is tough, but that will pass. Never

before have we all ever lived so near

one another. It's been a forever

dream to have this happen. My dad's been dear

ever since my wedding. He likes I did

law school. I've had to explain I'm a kid

when it comes to trials—my experience

is mostly writing research papers. Still,

I tell him how I want to be helpful.

But can I tell him to drop the nonsense

filings? I'm certainly not a defense

attorney. What I can say is I will

always love him. And, better, I have skills

he can use. Ivanka's put up a fence,

and said no more campaigning, I'm pretty,

have a million Instagram followers,

and would be pleased to give good, bright, witty

speeches for my dad. I'm about flowers

and giving a much more feminine touch.

I know first-hand how kind he can be, such

a good dad. And a dad to the country.

So many of us have missed his handling

of domestic and world affairs. It stings

how I see Biden's Cabinet monkey

with our precarious economy.

It's worse each day. It's infuriating

he's so lethargic and condescending.

I love how dad wants to make our country

great again. That's what will bring the youth vote.

I can 100% stump for that.

There's no lack of good Republican quotes

I can find. I have a few Democrat

friends, so I know how they think they're always

smarter, and always right. If they're always

so smart, I tell them, why are they hated

by millions? I frame the bigger picture,

a country we can all join together

as a new 21^st century state.

Only certain people can immigrate—

we have to be clear that to be secure

we absolutely must tighten borders.

I know we can achieve this and be great

again. I'm excited to spend more time

with my dad, my siblings, and their partners.

I have so much to learn. Ivanka I'm

in awe of. I want three kids just like her

(though no way I'm converting! LOL)

Kimberly, Lara—those two can speak well

in front of the biggest crowds. Such great poise—

and now I'll visit them so much more often.

This is my dream! I imagine Boston,

Chicago, Dallas, big speeches, the joys

of travel, and being part of the noise

that makes America great. There's Austin,

and Michael has offices in London.

Of course we both adore Greece. We enjoy

getting back there when we can. I'm lucky

my mother raised me with proper values

so I can take advantage of all these

opportunities. I don't want to choose—

I want to say yes to every last thing

I'm asked to do for my dad. That's helping

our country to get back on the right track.

Some nights I'll sit with Michael on the couch.

We'll hold hands and chatter before we smooch.

My husband has such strong views—though his facts

are sometime lacking; I try not to act

like I know more than him. But I can vouch

he's a romantic. Gentle hands. His touch,

it's as if he's always known me. I'm back

really little, before my parents split.

I feel that safe with him, Our great country

needs to feel that safe. I can help make it

happen now that I'm married happily

and living close to my whole family.

I can't believe I'm really this lucky.

The other night I dreamed that my dear daddy

asked me to marry him. When I told him

I was already married, he looked grim

for a spell, then said the laws were badly

written, and we could rewrite them. Daddy!

I said, and then I woke, went for a swim,

couldn't stop thinking about this weird dream.

I can't ever tell my mom this. Or my

loving Michael. We all have our secrets,

I know, but usually I'm the one

who glides along just on the edge of it.

I'm naturally bubbly, and like fun

activities with good friends. I work hard,

and play hard. I'm always moving forward

but I've never before had anything

I couldn't share with my mom. She would say

this was way crazy, and while she's okay

with some out there stuff, this would be taking

it to the next level. I've kept thinking

about that silly dream So yesterday

I put my name in a search engine, stayed

with it, saw me, then thought about adding

the word therapy. So I typed it in,

and you would never believe what happened.

Another Tiffany Trump! A Mormon

mom life coach therapist. What just happened?

She was as pretty as me but different,

so I just stared at her. I must have spent

an hour. My mom would have called it a sign,

but what was I going to do? Call her,

my internet double? Or email her,

introduce myself because she looked kind,

and had my name? Could I tell her this bind

I was in, a dumb dream that made me unsure

because I just couldn't unremember

my daddy's weird proposal, his designs

on me and law. I looked at Tiffany

and swore I could hear her tell me that all

would be fine. It was only dream—Daddy

didn't want to marry me. He had walls

to raise up; laws not to break, but to bend;

a mission to fix the country, amend

the Constitution, make right what's been wrong.

This Mormon Tiffany Trump was something,

I'll tell you that. Some day I'll be flying

to Salt Lake, I know it, and I'll be strong

and call her so I can say we belong

in one another's life. I'd be lying

if I didn't say this. I've been trying

to put it in words. Maybe it's a song

to write and sing because that's a hobby

I always think about. A soul sister

twin in Utah! Tiffany Trump! Maybe

she's the mystery. I've always missed her

though I never knew who or what I'd missed.

This I can tell my mom about, this twist

we never saw coming, my sister twin

who can teach me what I most need to know.

Michael? I'm not sure he'd understand. No,

at least not until we have our children.

This is such an exciting time. We can win

2024. We've got to follow

our dreams. Follow our hearts. It's a narrow,

winding road sometimes, but our position

demands discipline, and above all, love.

I'll tell my daddy I'll go all over

this great county to say what we're made of.

There's so much out there still to discover.

I can get young people to understand

that there's room for all of us to expand

and become great. We can fix a country

that's broken and gone wrong. The Democrats

are a sorry bunch. Their big swamp is what's

holding us back. I love this great country

so much. And I love my great family.

I have a daddy who loves his red hat.

He's kind and funny. Not a diplomat,

but a president well-versed in money,

who knows what a strong economy means

to workers in Wisconsin, Michigan,

Georgia, Arizona. This is between

success and failure. We should marry him,

America. My daddy's a good man.

He's the truest, finest Republican.

Donald Trump

NOT FAIR! They've had to bring in the nasty

judges, and even nastier attorneys.

It's the biggest witch hunt in history.

UNFAIR! I've already been completely

found innocent. Everything perfectly

done. Twice! NOT FAIR! We have immunity

running for president. Everybody's

favorite president is not guilty.

Trump can't be. People tell me! That's the truth,

the only truth I know. I've worked so hard

and long for this once-great country. The youth

love me. They tell me they hate the retard

fake president. They tell me every day.

UNFAIR! They've weaponized the DOJ

and the others in the very Deep State.

Now they're undermining our Supreme Court.

What's next? Close down Florida's great airports

to destroy trade in this terrific state?

Tourism too! We've got to dominate

the conversation. Build new army forts

across the southern border. Lethal force

as needed! I promise that I won't wait

a single day to drain the very dark

Biden swamp. Black mud! A sticky liquid

you don't want to step in. National Parks

need to have camps built to house all the kids

illegal here. We'll put them way out there!

Parents too. We'll make it so they don't dare

set one foot in California or Texas.

New Mexico and Arizona too.

I've been saying exactly what I'll do—

haven't you people been listening? Is

that too much to ask? It comes down to this.

The old ways don't work. We need something new,

something strong, something mighty, something true.

Texas, Oklahoma, Georgia, Kansas,

all great states! I won't be a dictator

by choice. But the first day, yes. Other days,

I'll have to see. We've got these invaders

coming—rats and other dirty things. May

God help us. Only the military

will save us. There are some very, very

bad people. They come in on foot. By boat.

Some parachute down like bugs. They poison

all they touch. It's so un-American

A threat like I've ever seen. The turncoat

citizens here, cheering them on. To quote

our friend, Vladimir Putin, From within

America will fall. That's what Putin

has said! Out great enemy is the vote—

too easy to cheat. They do it by mail.

Dead people too! Two times. Three times. Twemty!

We've got to stop their cheating. If we fail,

democracy dies. They hate us plenty,

the Democrats. They're coming for our guns,

and they want to kill the Constitution,

and everything else that makes this once-great

country so beautiful. I have no words

for what I feel We should shoot them like birds

or squirrels. They're all little people, not great,

the horrible Democrats. Second-rate

is too good for them! They're not even third.

They're all traitors, and worse. You may have heard

how they're still tearing down Confederate

statues. Big, beautiful, bronze monuments!

History! And what do they build? Cases

against me! ME! The greatest president

in worldwide history. There's no basis

for these lawsuits. I say lock them all up!

The entire party is so corrupt

that we'll be building jails my whole next term

of office. Camps too. Muslim immigrants

first, then other foreigners, all agents

of the crooked left. They traffic in germ

warfare too. They love the Chinese! The harm

from the Chinese virus was significant.

We'll jail Fauci too! And sex deviants!

We've also got to finally get firm

with journalists. Enough with the freedom

of the press. Lock them up. Shoot them. Hang them.

I don't care how! We just have to make them

an example. They'll cry they're all victims,

but they don't ever say how Trump has been

the real victim. UNFAIR! We'll build prisons

like no one's ever seen. Talk about jobs

in construction, and prison management.

We'll remake the federal government,

which I've thought hard about. I know the knobs

now. The thieving Obama regime robbed

me blind! Biden's a touchy malcontent.

Everybody knows I'm the President

and when I'm back to my office, the job

will look different. No more Obamacare,

which has been a disaster from day one.

Jail the homeless. Stop the hand-outs and prayers.

We'll arm volunteer deputies with guns

to make our parks, roads, and schools more secure.

I'll gather my new team, rely on fewer

voices, only bring on people I can

100% trust. My kids have been

my great disappointment. They've gotten in

trouble when given their big chance to plan

a future in business. I understand

both older sons might face legal sanctions

which would be too bad. I hope that Barron

might some day be special. He'a a young man

who's tall and smart. Melania likes him

out of the spotlight, which I've agreed with.

He's such a good boy, never a problem.

He'll go to Penn, graduate on time with

honors, and then we'll see. My Ivanka

seems like she's happier in Florida,

but I'll see if she and Jared can come

back to D.C.. This is their great country

I'm running. They're smart! Maybe Tiffany

and her young husband can help. But he's from

Africa so I don't know. I have some

very good ideas! Mike Flynn's like money

to me. Patriot! Stephen Miller! He's

also a true believer in freedom.

I don't see how a trial will take place

any time soon. My lawyers know my views.

New York. Georgia. No one has a real case.

TV is reporting so much fake news—

it's why we've got to shut down CNN,

MSNBC, and the whole women's

thing they got going. Women not my type

are extorting me. And the abortion

issue is the worst. My next election

could be lost because of how women gripe,

and some of them vote. Otherwise we wipe

the Democrats off the map. My mission

is to make America great again.

Republicans of all colors and stripes

are welcome to write checks. I love them all

if they love me. I love my justices

on the Supreme Court as long as they fall

in line, call cases right. They have misses

and makes like all courts—they just have to make

the proper judgments here. They know I take

my job seriously—my supporters

are some very fine patriots. I'd hate

to see them get mad and communicate

what they might do. They wouldn't just loiter

in the streets, I'm saying. Three quarters

have guns is what I hear. It's getting late

in the game here. They can't substantiate

a thing I've done wrong. No tape recorders,

no eyewitnesses unless you treasure

some of the little losers who've been bought

to testify. Inept, useless lawyers!

Rudy has lost several steps so got caught.

The others? I don't know why they gave me

inadequate counsel. I guarantee

that they're deserving whatever they'll get.

Throw the book at them! Stupid amateurs!

They told me they were winners and were sure

we had the very best case. I forget

all their names already. I'll also bet

they'll never forget mine. Trump's a doer

and a fighter. Democrats like sewers—

I say bring it on. I will never let

government lawyers bully me! I've been

the best president this country had. Does

our glorious history matter? In

2020, the rigged election was

a crime. Everybody I know said fraud,

and they were correct. Treachery was broad,

and continues to this day. What kind

of country do we have now? It's not great,

I tell you. A sinking United States,

a nasty bunch of losers that don't mind

the lame Joe Biden, who can't even find

his way around his own house. An ingrate

who lacks manners and can't appreciate

a stable genius like Trump. That's the kind

of imbecile who stole my job. NOT FAIR!

I eat a lot, though sometimes I don't eat

at all. I play golf, and sit in a chair

when I watch TV. I don't have to meet

anyone if I don't want to. I'll live

forever, and I won't ever forgive.

                       *********

ALso, How to Buy Trump Sonnets (and How to contact Ken Waldman)

Small Press Distribution used to carry the books. But Small Press Distribution no longer longer exists. You can buy books directly from Ken Waldman at an event (and he's happy to sign copies). He also sells books the old-fashioned way via postal mail, though only takes cash and checks though he's now able to be paid through Venmo (he really is old-fashioned, but at least is easy to reach since here's the information for you to write him, phone him, email him:

Ken Waldman                                                          
3705 Arctic #1551
Anchorage, AK 99503
337-258-5994
ken(at)kenwaldman.com

and he's quick to get back to you).

And Here's a tour schedule (Made Back Pre-Pandemic)--If you want what's Current, You Can go to www.kenwaldman.com/Tour